Naked
Often, my mind is filled with random thoughts. Like, isn't it interesting that we are born naked, but clothes are not the first thing we learn to cover ourselves with? We cover ourselves in unspoken expectations, measurements, and perceptions of our place in our community and in the world.
I remember teaching an implicit bias workshop back in 2020. During that session, I referenced a statement from NPR: "America has lots of racism but few actual racists."
Even then, I was fascinated and somewhat perplexed by the conversations that followed. The point was never to determine who was right or wrong. Rather, it was to highlight how individuals can experience the same event, in the same space and at the same time, and arrive at completely different conclusions.
At one point, I would have simply said, "That's what makes us human." I also used to believe that social dynamics had made us numb to one another's experiences and pain. With more wisdom and reflection, I no longer think that is entirely accurate. In fact, I am not convinced that most people are numb at all.
I also once believed that our feelings were deeply rooted in our values. Now, I am not so sure. Emotions are often our innate responses, while feelings are how we interpret and make meaning of those responses. But what if there is a third component influencing the process, one that is much more difficult to detect?
What if social conditioning has us oscillating between cognitive framing and perception-based reality? What if it grants us permission to feel while simultaneously reprogramming the qualifiers we use to interpret those feelings? If so, many of our responses may not reflect what we genuinely feel, but rather what we have been taught, expected, or conditioned to feel.
When combined with societal norms surrounding adulthood, expertise, and certainty, many of us arrive at a place where we "know that we know" without realizing how much remains unexamined.
That is one of the challenges with reality. Reality often resembles what is real. Actuality is what remains when perception is removed. When was the last time we stood before ourselves without explanation, justification, or conditioning?
Why does this matter? Because many of us are taking firm stances on issues without recognizing that our feelings may sometimes be reactions to conditioning, expectations, narratives, or fears we have inherited rather than conclusions we have consciously chosen.
Self-awareness begins with examination. Before deciding what we believe, we may need to uncover what we have been taught to believe, what we have been conditioned to feel, and what perceptions we have accepted as truth without ever testing them. At times, our feelings are less about reality itself and more about the story we have attached to reality. The challenge is learning to distinguish between the two.
Consider a few examples.
"Practice makes perfect."
Or does it?
Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent.
What if the thing being practiced is incorrect? Repetition may create proficiency, but proficiency alone does not guarantee accuracy. Yet we often celebrate repetition while simultaneously repeating the phrase that insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.
Or consider my own experience. Some assumptions are so ingrained that we mistake them for truth.
Fathers are often questioned regarding their ability to parent, nurture, and provide. In some circles, there is an underlying assumption that if a father has custody, the mother must have done something wrong or be unfit. I have even been told that children are simply better off with their mothers.
Nationally, this dynamic is not much different. Consider how few father-specific resources exist in comparison to those available for mothers. Even when I sought support, many of the responses I received were framed through comparisons to mothers rather than centered on the unique needs of fathers. Such is the power of assumptions. Over time, they become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as assumptions at all and begin accepting them as truth.
Returning to the opening statement regarding racism, the word itself evokes vastly different reactions depending on a person's experiences and exposure. Those labeled by it and those subjected to it often hear and process the word through entirely different lenses. As a result, many discussions become disconnected from the historical, social, and psychological contexts that shape them.
Now imagine how this dynamic plays out in everyday interactions. People are very much feeling. The question is not whether people feel. The question is how much of what they are feeling is organic, and how much has been filtered through conditioning, expectation, perception, and inherited narratives.
Perhaps we are not as disconnected from one another as we think. Perhaps we have simply become disconnected from understanding why we feel what we feel, and that misalignment has quietly influenced our relationships, our judgments, our actions, and even our connection to our own values.
Or perhaps the deeper question is whether we were ever fully tethered to our innate core at all.
We are born naked, but perhaps the greatest coverings are never made of fabric.
When was the last time we stripped away the expectations, perceptions, labels, and narratives and stood face-to-face with who we are?
Love Is A Parable- an initiative and movement that later became an organization within itself. Love is A Parable is a DBA and subsidiary of Altar and Dwelling Place, Inc. We are a charitable and educational 501c3 organization, that provides character, social, and leadership development to those who have an aspiration toward unity, love, and kindness through a reflective thinking approach and sacred-box theory that involves value-based education.
J. Dwayne Garnett, BSRT, MHA, QP
Chief Executive Officer
Love Is A Parable
Available for Empowerment Speaking Engagements, Consultations, Uncovering Sessions, and Instruction.
Find out more about J by clicking HERE!