Growing Up Fatherless
I know firsthand the effects of growing up fatherless. Nothing is more frustrating than feeling rejected while struggling to find your identity. Understandably, most young men gain acceptance from their fathers. So, how do fatherless males find validation? Unfortunately, generalization and stereotypes of criminality, negativity, and low expectations are force-fed to fatherless children as if it is their rites of passage. Assuming that incarceration, government dependency, and early death are the only avenues available for the patriarchally deficient.
However, I strongly believe that I don't fit molds, I break them. See, for me, the cycle of fatherless parenting ends with me in my family! Regardless of what statistics say or society believes, I am not my father's poor choices and/or mistakes! I begin to discover that, no one's position should ever determine my disposition. It is not my responsibility to carry the burden of the weight left by my father's absence. I had to stop making excuses to fail and find reasons to succeed.
I needed a redefinition of me along with an identity I agreed with. I begin to stop believing there's a void or questioning my ability because of my father's inability. It all hit me when I realized that I have no choice but to be a great man because my father laid the foundation for me of what a man SHOULD NOT do. I decided that once I became a parent, I would never allow my children to experience the mysterious pain of an absent parent. I must not lose my zeal to be great; every moment matters because every moment counts. For me, I am fully aware that I am not my father's mistake(s). Failure is a choice, not a birthrate.
On the flipside, I understand and recognize the gifts associated with growing up fatherless. Had my father stayed, I may not have appreciated or witnessed the positive impacts of having a village. It is my belief that a pure village provides the support that one lacks. I truly could write and/or talk for years about those special individual in my life, whom I love dearly that makeup my village. However, for this particular area, I would like to highlight two MEN that were Instrumental in helping me heal from fatherless abandonment, neglect, and pain. For me, I identify them both as my "village dads". It is so strange, how both entered my life at different times, but came in the perfect season.
My dad, Antonio Brown came into my life when I was a wayward teen, troubled by my past and scared for the future. He showed me that I had potential and the value of a strong work ethic. He showed me true meaning of unconditional love and how a man could love someone "JUST" as he loved his biological children. The many talks of "what a man is” laid the foundation for the man I would become. Funny, I still have the checking account he helped me to get when I turned 18 years old.
My dad, Hayward Greene came into my life when I was entering adulthood through the introduction of his wife. For me, it was his high level of integrity and the personification of servitude that were apparent and intertwined in his character. He showed me firsthand how a man should treat his wife and provide for his family ...while looking good doing it. He was there when I bought my first car, got married, first home, and when both of my children were born. He showed me the small things that I always hoped my biological father would do. For instance, he showed me how to check the oil in my car or foundation in my new home. He showed me love; and, nothing is more pleasing than hearing my children call him "Pop-Pop", because that means I have a "Pop" too.
I could go on and on about these two individuals, but the point to be made is simple: "Fatherless DOES NOT mean hopeless". Better yet, it takes a strong individual to endure the plight of being rejected and standing in the lurks of an absent father. With that, comes endurance and perseverance to withstand life challenges. Meaning, success is more obtainable because I have what it takes to handle "life's curveballs".