The Need: A Sanctuary for Black Fathers

Life as a newly divorced man and single father has been an eye-opening journey filled with both traditional pressures and deeply unsettling fears. Night after night, I find myself plagued by haunting questions, the most persistent one being: Where is the sanctuary for Black Fathers? Life has an uncanny way of imparting lessons we didn't know we needed, and as the years passed, I heard countless horror stories from other men about custody battles, co-parenting challenges, and relationship struggles. I used to believe these accounts were exaggerated or the result of personal shortcomings, but I now know I couldn't have been more mistaken.

One profound realization has been how a man's worth seems tied to his proximity to a woman. Black Fathers, in particular, are often excluded or overlooked in discussions about intersectionality and the unique and burdensome challenges they face. Society expects men to fulfill the roles of providers and protectors but disregards their emotional needs and nurturing capabilities. On one hand, we're bound to uphold outdated norms of masculinity, yet when we express emotional intelligence, we face criticism and pushback. Where, then, is the sanctuary for Black Fathers?

Personally, I find myself navigating through discussions about diversity, equity, and inclusion while also grappling with experiences of discrimination, oppression, and misalignment, both intra and interracial. In these situations, I must constantly balance being and not being, all the while striving to be of use. Seeking help from law enforcement, for instance, I must be cautious of how I'm perceived – any passionate expression may be misinterpreted as aggression. Attending school functions, I'm often treated as a second-rate parent simply because I am a man, a Black Man, a Black Father. Respect must be earned, not demanded, and any attempt to assert myself is often met with hostility, endangering not only my physical well-being but also my emotional and mental state. So, where is the sanctuary for Black Fathers?

Where can we find a supportive shoulder to lean on? Why are we only challenged with doubt and rarely given the benefit of it? How can we thrive in a world that promises change but often excludes us from positive outcomes? Where can we exist without pretense or sabotage? I yearn for support groups specifically designed for Black Fathers, not to teach us how to be good fathers – many of us are already doing that – but to acknowledge and support us culturally in our roles. Where are the support groups for Black Fathers who've experienced domestic violence or sexual abuse? Where are the campaigns that allow dads to take a break when needed? Where is the sanctuary for Black Fathers? These questions beg for answers, for understanding, and for change.

A Deeper Dive Into Racial Misandry: The Antithesis of Black Fatherhood

It's essential to acknowledge that misandry, as a response to misogyny, does exist. Misandry is prejudice or hatred against men, and it can emerge as a reaction to the historical and ongoing mistreatment of women under misogyny. However, it's crucial to recognize that misandry isn't the only form of prejudice shaping our interactions with Black Fathers.

Racial misandry, which targets Black men specifically, is also a significant factor in how society perceives and treats Black Fathers. The intersection of racism and misandry creates a unique set of obstacles for Black men in general, but particularly for those who are fathers. Stereotypes and preconceived notions surrounding Black men, often perpetuated by the media and social biases, can lead to the prejudiced treatment of Black Fathers.

When Black men seek assistance, they may be met with a heightened level of suspicion and perceived as inherently aggressive, reinforcing negative stereotypes about them. Similarly, within educational settings, Black Fathers may face unjust assumptions about their parenting capabilities, based solely on their race and gender.

These harmful assumptions and racial misandry can also extend to healthcare interactions, where Black Fathers might encounter disbelief or skepticism about their knowledge and ability to care for their children properly. This lack of trust can have severe consequences, leading to inadequate medical attention for their children and exacerbating health disparities.

Furthermore, the lack of representation and support for Black Fathers in societal institutions and support systems perpetuates the cycle of inequality. The absence of inclusive and culturally sensitive resources further marginalizes Black Fathers, making it harder for them to find the help and understanding they need.

Recognizing the presence of racial misandry is vital in understanding the full picture of the challenges faced by Black Fathers. By addressing this intersectional issue, we can work towards dismantling harmful stereotypes and biases and create a more equitable society that supports and uplifts all fathers, regardless of their race or background. Only then can we truly find a sanctuary for Black Fathers, where they are respected, understood, and given the support they deserve in their important roles as parents.

Love Is A Parable- an initiative and movement that later became an organization within itself. Love is A Parable is a DBA and subsidiary of Altar and Dwelling Place, Inc. We are a charitable and educational 501c3 organization, that provides character, social, and leadership development to those who have an aspiration toward unity, love, and kindness through a reflective thinking approach and sacred-box theory that involves value-based education.

J. Dwayne Garnett, BSRT, MHA, QP
Chief Executive Officer
Love Is A Parable
Available for Empowerment Speaking Engagements, Consultations, Uncovering Sessions, and Instruction.
Find out more about J by clicking HERE!