As a love advocate, I must address the challenges and injustices that many of us face and advocate for the need to eradicate negative isms. In doing so, we cannot assume that just because a person is a teacher that s/he likes children or believes in advocating for them.  At times, we associate professions with morality and I am not sure if that is fair to presume. Additionally, we expect educators to be parental in nature when their true assignment is to educate. Any additional services should be appreciated and considered a bonus.  Unfortunately, our children are exposed to a more accelerated learning model with complex and/or advanced subject matters which require an expectation of maturity that is more developmental than impulsive.  As a parent, it is our responsibility to advocate and be actively involved in our children’s educational journey. As I have attempted to be a role model, advocate, and present in my children’s educational pursuits, I’ve discovered that while supporting and endeavoring to establish a collaborative partnership, there are quite a few roadblocks.  I don’t believe all are intentional.

However, I have quickly realized that the plea for parent-teacher partnerships is more of “go to” phrasing than a true expectation.   When educators are presented with a real-life parent-teacher interaction, there is a great deal of apprehension and awkwardness.  In fact, it is more like a “deer in headlights” scenario.  I must admit, I have received my fair share of resistance to me being an involved parent in my children’s education.  One would be surprised at the offensive constructs surrounding men and their children.  For the most part, I get it, but does that make it acceptable, of course not.   By no means am I attempting to portray educators in a negative light, for many of them, they are playing with the cards that they were dealt and doing the best that they can do.  Though unintentional, we can’t excuse the impact of the collateral damage.   Request to join with educators in the educational success of my children have been overlooked, ignored, or indolent.  There is this underlying tone of establishing dominance when there is a father-teacher interaction; which is noticeably different from a more complementary exchange of mother and teacher.

Why is that? Society has created a culture that portrays paternal and parental as polar opposites versus one in the same. The thought of an engaged father is mind-boggling for many.  When I enter a room, body languages change.  With me, there is a more rigid, stiff demeanor, coupled with vexatious dialogue versus the congenial manner with my wife and other women.   Moreover, I have learned that “working with the teacher” is a more a dictatorship than a partnership.   As a parent, we are expected to provide supplies, attend assigned parent-teacher conferences(s) and nothing above that.    As a post-secondary education administrator, I understand pedagogy, andragogy, and participative partnership; but what is incomprehensive, is to reject the resolution to the parental involvement deficiency narrative.  This is a direct result of the “too much talking and not enough action” theory.

In conjunction with the misandristic behavior towards fathers, there is also covert discrimination that parents and children of color must contend with.   Many of these behaviors are so entwined in the educational setting paradigm, that many are unable to recognize the inequitable offenses as or when they occur.  It is easy for one to unknowingly contribute to discriminatory behaviors without being a separatist.  As I stated earlier, though unintentional, it doesn’t negate the impact of the collateral damage.  I’ve witnessed Caucasian children acting out and it is called “transitional periods”; whereas, a child of color is called “behavioral”.  An excited child of color is called “aggressive”, while a Caucasian child is called “passionate.” Yep, even in 2018, there is still shock at the revelation of children of color being raised in a two-parent home.   It is a terrible misfortune with the height of the American Social Climate, these behaviors are alive and active, teaching yet again, another generation that there is an expectation and stigma associated with their skin tone. 

All and all, I am hopeful, and I don’t believe all is lost. I recognize that there is change agents all areas education. There is just a little more educating and reprogramming that needs to take place regarding diversity, inclusion, and equity.   For many, the heart is there, we just need to provide the tools.

-J